Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Fun with Smoke Grenades

Somebody on your team pissing you off? 

Get One Man Army and spam him with smoke grenades. Laugh when he knifes you and nothing happens.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Quickscopers a.k.a. The Biggest Fudgepackers Of All-Time

This guy is NOT cool.

Ever since the days of COD4, snipers have been trying their very hardest to not only dominate the leader boards, but dominate... with style! Think  about it, when have you heard someone use the term 'hardscoper' in a positive manner. The answer is never. Due to the rise of popular gaming clans (most notably OpTic Gaming) snipers everywhere are trying their hardest to emulate their style by performing kills that involve no-scopes, 360-spins, and of course... quick scopes.

Nothing makes me smile more like a retard at the zoo then finding out that there's a quick-scoper on the other team. Even better is when their name looks something like this: XxXxOpTic1337SAUCExXxX. In this situation, the best course of action to take is to equip your Marathon/Lightweight/Commando class, whip out your favorite shotgun, bolt across the map, and introduce his head to your bullets. Seriously. 95% of these kids can't shoot a guy 10 feet in front of them. However, if they scoped in, they'd get an easy kill. That's why I have no sympathy for them when they cry about hardscopers. I hope they die in a fire.

So You Wanna Piss People Off In MW2?

When MW2 came out last November, I, like many other people, skipped the campaign story and went straight into multiplayer mode. For the first few months there was a large sense of competition that for the most part kept the general audience engaged. Today, there is no competition. Lobbies are filled with 10th prestige hackers, mods, and other sorts of tomfoolery that ruins the fun for everyone. These are the people who need to be banned because they are deliberately giving themselves an unfair and undeserved advantage over everyone else. But....

Then there's the people who take advantage of game mechanics fully accessible to any player, but are considered noobs for using them (Commando, One Man Army, Danger Close, etc.). To these people I say:


If you're anything like me, you love the feeling of getting hate mail from somebody you killed in a "nooby" fashion. My favorite method is "shooting the grenade launcher (a.k.a. PRO PIPE) straight up into the air killing the enemy across the map". You may have your preferences but I'm going to show you the best classes to use when you want to become the most hated player in any lobby.

So You Wanna Run Around And Knife Only?

Full On Noob Class:
UMP-45 Silencer
USP Akimbo

Stealthy Noob Class:
UMP-45 Silencer
USP Akimbo


So You Wanna Stand In Just One Spot?

Background: On certain maps, if you stand in the right spot, you can launch a grenade and it will hit a flag on the opposite side of the map. You can rack up kills without taking a single step if you know what you're doing. Here's how it typically works:

1. Enter a Domination game lobby (preferably a pre-game lobby, it's much easier this way)
2. Choose your PRO PIPE class (listed below)
3. When the game starts, run to a pre-designated spot on the map and use your grenade launcher to fire straight up at the flag on the opposite side of the map (ex. A to C or C to A)
4. Rack up kills. Call in air support.
5. Nuke. Flawless Victory.

Pro-tip: Watch this guy's videos on YouTube. He basically teaches you every spot on every map in which to use this method. 
Your favorite assault rifle + grenade launcher
No secondary (One Man Army)
One Man Army
Danger Close
Any 3rd perk
***USE CLAYMORES*** Repeatedly shooting your grenade launcher will give away your position to the enemy. Plant 2 claymores to protect you from noobs.

So You Wanna Run Around With A Riot Shield?
Use this class, guaranteed success:
Riot Shield
Shotgun (SPAS or AA-12 preferably)
Danger Close
Stun Grenade

The main weapon here is the C4. When you see an enemy, throw it near them and quickly double-tap the reload button to detonate it without doing the animation. When you kill them, take their Scavenger bag to get a new C4 and find your next target.

So You Wanna Piss Off Your Own Teammates?

This is by far the quickest and easiest way to piss somebody off. You can teamkill in Hardcore Team Deathmatch if you're boring and unoriginal OR you can get creative with it like this:

1. Death by Care Package.
-It is insanely hard to kill even a camping teammate with a care package. They see you throw down the marker and they scatter. Well, I'm not talking about killing a nooby camper,  I'm talking about killing probably the best player on your team... while they're in their Chopper Gunner or AC-130. Completely defenseless for 45 seconds, you'll have plenty of time to run over to them, drop your marker, and laugh when you kill their chance of a nuke.

2. Trapped In A Corner 
-This one is so easy to do and yet it is so very satisfying. Find somebody on your team who is camping in a corner (Yes, literally a corner). Run right up to them and they should be stuck in their spot, unable to move past you. You can stand there for as long as you want, or you may want to shoot your gun and have an enemy take out both of you in order to piss off the teammate.

3. Giving Away Your Position.
-Follow a teammate. Shoot your gun. Die. Respawn. Repeat.

As much as I want to think that I actually contributed something to the MW2 community, I believe that this entire guide was simply common knowledge that is only now being recorded in text. Anyways, if you found this helpful, let me know, I'd really appreciate it.

Greatest Claymore Fail Of All-Time

If you're going to try to boost in a cage match, don't cry like a bitch when I shoot you in the head.

If you're going to cry like a bitch when I shoot you in the head, don't start trash talking WHILE I'M STILL KILLING YOU.

If you're going to trash talk, don't kill yourself with your own claymore!